Endeavoring Enlightenment

A few weeks back, I faced a branch of anxiety known as “derealisation”. After receiving a couple of shocking news, I believe my mind had to protect itself by changing its frequency upon a state of complete detachment. Of course, such detachment being experienced without preparation generates a fear of fear or as it’s known by the scientific community, an intensified “fight or flight” response. For the first time, science was unable to “fix” me. The scientific approach to such a state of mind was labeling its symptoms and perhaps provides therapies to mask them. Everything felt like it was a dream and I was living my life through an overhead camera. Life felt like a complete illusion and its events are merely theatrical.  In such a state, your worst enemy is your mind and silence is your ultimate remedy. After a couple of weeks, you realize that every thought is branched out of one category, Existentialism.  What triggered the derealisation is the “realization” of one’s mortality. Of course I knew that we all die, but did I really understand it?

Why do we exist? What the point of our existence? There has to be a god! What does god want from me? Why couldn’t he create us the way he wanted us to be? Why is religion the main form of dichotomy among men? If Reason and faith are separate entities, how do I acquire faith, or let alone understand it. If some questions are unanswered, then why did god create my mind’s ability to question them?

Suddenly, it hit me! It was a fight between my Ego and self. I felt, for the first time in my life how ignorant I was. It hurt so much but brings so much joy at the same time. I felt that I knew nothing! All the books I have read, all the philosophies I have analyzed and wrote papers about, all the education I was entitled to meant nothing! I am ignorant about self, society, reality, and notions beyond reason!

I started reading more about the Baha’i faith and try to deepen my understanding of its precepts. I was fuelled with frustration as the material being read was presented in an extreme form of complexity and the language being used requires a great level of articulation. (The case with almost all religious scriptures)
I reached a point where I couldn’t comprehend the material as I believe it was too advanced for my mind. I expressed my frustration to god using words both of us could understand. A few days later, I received a text from one of my friends in Jordan asking me if I would like to attend a course known as ISGP (Institutes for Studies in Global Prosperity) which I heard a lot about from some friends in Canada and India. I immediately told my dad about it and was grateful to have his support. A couple of days later, I was on my way to Jordan. I took my derealisation with me in an attempt to improve its condition and my understanding of reality. I honestly had no idea what to expect from the course except that its context should be rational.
The course was designed to be intensive.  It discussed topics such as Science and religion, Extended Family, community, society, social discourse, socio-economic development, consistency in a framework, evaluation of previous development approaches, defining spirituality, two-folded purpose, and other interesting subjects.

We went on a field trip to an NGO called YES (Youth Energies Society) where a group of volunteer work on building capacities in villages around Jordan. It’s a small NGO aiming to grow gradually with a great vision in complementing material growth with spiritual (ethical and moral) development.
After coming back to Bahrain, I have a made a decision to dedicate a year in serving such an outstanding organization. Its management, core-values, and philosophy motivate one to be a part of it and be of assistance to its gradual, yet inevitable growth.

I finally got my passion in writing and in the next few weeks, I will be sharing a lot of my thoughts with yall!


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